The Spirit Of Things

life changes. and so i must change with it.

i won't have the money to pay for typepad anymore, and so i'm moving over to blogger. my new address is "thespiritofthings.blogspot.com" if you want to meet me there. i'll have links and stuff up soon enough. for today, at least it's there and waiting to be used.

have i told anyone yet about the guy, joe, i work with? well, i haven't officially worked with him yet, but i will tonite. anyhow. he looks like macon. ya know .... macon from "how to deal". well, he doesn't look exactly like him, he just dresses like him and has hair like him. anyhow. so, this is one of the boys i work with. he's strange. don't know yet if he's gonna be someone i'll enjoy working with or not. i mean, it took me watching that movie three or four times before i decided to like macon, and he's a character in a movie! a real person is so much more difficult to figure out.

so i work with macon. interesting.

• the dog is sleeping on the couch. it's so nice that he's finally starting to calm down. i love him so much, but he's still a little nuts.
• getting homework done, finally. yes, it's while sitting in front of the t.v., and while i'm knitting a scarf, but i swear i'm getting stuff done! it's research for my senior thesis paper ...
• it's saint patty's day, and i've yet to put on something green. i like to revolt against these traditions for some reason. i guess i'll have to wear at least a little green before i head off to work, however ...
• i think i'm going to spend some time posting like this, with bullet points. keep me focused, get it all out quickly, and ... well, it's fun to have bullet points!
• i have nothing else to say.
• bullet points aren't as fun when there's nothing super important to put after them!

the alkaline trio is playing right now on my computer. they aren't so bad, really. better than connor oberst. (hee-hee!!!)

that was the last good thing there was. after that moment of good music, all goes to shit. literally. i feel like i've got mental constipation right now. i keep trying to write something, anything, but nothing comes out. dammit, i have things to get done. i have papers to write, columns to make better than the crap they currently are, and it would be nice if for once i posted something NOT drivel.

the best i can offer right now is the new digital camera i got for $20 at shopko that i'm trying to make work.

i not only will have a car in the next week or less, i'll have to choose between two cars that are being offered to me. how sweet for me.

my writing has been shitty lately ... nothing coming out. maybe that's cuz i've been laying around like a slug (rae's word) and doing nothing ... or i've been getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to go work at the coffee shop. that has stopped, thank god. and so now i must get into a new routine. one that doesn't involve sitting on my ass-crack.

i've apparently lost all ability to communicate with others; don't know how or when it happened, but nothing i say comes out the right way, and i'm pretty sick of it. maybe i just need to be completely silent.

pretending like i care about school and whether or not i'm going to graduate has worn thin. i'd drop out ... again ... if it weren't for the fact that i'm set to be done in may. and i know (we all know) that after three months of being without the "pressures" of school, i'll crave it again. but right now i hate it AND ITS ASS FACE.

at least i'm reading some of those books mom bought me this weekend.

as well as reading some of the ones she lent me over christmas break that i haven't read yet.

maybe i'll get back to knitting those scarves i wanted to knit with the yarn she gave me over christmas.

or i'll just go sit on the couch and be a bum.

what would jesus do? (kidding, kidding)

back to the couch, yo!!!

there is a group of people out there in the blogging world (and you will know who you are by the time i'm done here) who give people shit for not updating their sites on a regular basis. now, i like to read new stuff too, so don't get me wrong. but when you harrass someone about not updating their site, and then DON'T FUCKING GO VISIT IT WHEN THEY UPDATE IT REGULARLY ... you have immediately gotten on my shit list. i am speaking of a stie in particular, that a few specific people on my "stalking" list have gone to in the past and told this person they need to update more regularly.

and now he is.

so don't bitch if i stop going to your sites, cuz it's rude to make someone think you give a shit about them, and then you don't actually. you just want to harrass them.

you suck.

note to self ...

work at a coffee shop again. make a little bit of money in tips each day. put it into an envelope and save it. save it, i said! don't spend it like you have in the past. keep it out of your wallet and you'll be fine. oh, and look for a car. wait, you may have found one, you say? well then ... get it all figured out, and fast. and read the books you buy, instead of shelving them for some later date. it's okay to have a long list of books to buy ... better than having a big pile of books to read and no money and no car! re-prioritize little one!

a new day, it feels like a new life. two early mornings in a row, and they trust that i am sufficiently trained to work at night. one training day, maybe two, and i'm good to go. not that i haven't made coffee before, but everyone does it different, i guess. whatever. it's hours. and money. and i need both. so i'm back to smelling like espresso ... and getting wired and then crashing. good stuff. and maybe even a car for me out of it all. that i can make payments on. that's nice!

no other fun news to report. life ticking along like a clock ... spring break is nice for catch-up, but i've actually got to CATCH UP on something in order to really mean that. mostly hanging and reading for fun, when i've got papers to write and columns to finish and all that jazz. that's today ... right after my nap.

here's the deal ... i had this list of sites i used to visit every day. and then i got busy,got myself a life that doesn't involve so much internet time. mostly cuz i have to graduate in may, and so i actually have to try to get good grades. anyhow. so i don't stalk nearly as many people as it looks like i do. in effort to be honest, i moved many of you over to the other side, into a different column. sorry if this pisses you off. it had to be done, so deal w/ it.

cheers.

list making

Tired Of ~

poverty

fighting

caffine

alcohol

trying too hard

people-pleasing

lies

secrets

bullshit friendships

needing acceptance

crying

lack of trust

past mistakes

minimum wage

conforming

anonymity

pseudonyms

inadequacy

shedding animals

everything staying the same

too many unread books

indie rock

yellow teeth

too many wars to count

Excited For ~

mom being in town

coffee shop work yet again

trying out new music

short hair

graduation

cali in august

being able to pay my bills

someday a new car

new socks

sewing

writing

missy's baby soon!

bored, cold, hungry, tired, done w/ my midterms, ditching school tonite, learning to make money in new ways, excited for the weekend, needing a cleaning lady cuz i hate to clean, writing all the time ...

these are a few of the things i'm feeling right now. took my islam midterm ... no more hate mail please folks ... it's a class i'm in, and i like learning about other religions. you don't have to like them, you don't have to like me, but it's what i do ... study religion, that is.

anyhow ... connecting w/ my girl rae to start up a distro .. it's a distribution center for zines and stuff. it's gonna be on-line, and while it may be a ton of work, it will be fun. a place for me to explore my creative talent, and maybe make a buck or two. starting out good, which is always fun ...

i feel boring lately. i clean, i journal, and i sleep. that's it. nothing exciting to talk about, not even anything fun going on for me to write about ... how boring. gonna head home in a few and try out some creative writing techniques to get the blood flowing again.

the car is dead. it has been moved to the cemetary for cars ... "U Pull It". it makes me sad ... that little ford probe has been there for me over the last three years. it's taken me tons of places, through several jobs, and has been around for me to get through my college education. poor bobbie .... that was his name.

i had to clean him out for the last time, tell him i love him, and then send him off with the tow truck to be recycled for parts. it's like donating your organs ... he will be able to be used by other cars, to prolong their lives.

i miss him ... it's like the end of an era. i got that car when i still lived downtown, just before i'd started being a waitress, and while i still worked at the coffee shop. is that time in my life really over?

for the love of all things holy and funny ... if there's anyone here who has never read dooce's site, you must go there immediately. she is very popular in the blog world, and has apparently been sent some interesting e-mail. her response is wonderful, and the man who sent her the e-mail she so kindly shares with the world will, i'm sure, be regretting it shortly, if he doesn't already.

so go check it out .. and if it makes you as mad as it made me, send him an e-mail ... i sure did!

didn't get arrested. boo-hoo.

got some stuff accomplished, however. organization is key ... we shall overcome.

the next step i will be working on in my efforts to take over the world is three-fold.

1. buttons, buttons buttons. once i have a button-maker (these are a little pricey) i will be making buttons to die for. special orders are welcome!

2. stickers ... i'm gonna find a place to get stickers made cheap for me, and sticker up my world with all the fun things that cross my mind.

and finally ...

3. tee shirts. there are some great things that can be done w/ a plain colored tee shirt and some iron-on decals. i intend to let everyone else know this as well ...

wanna play with me? let me know what you want your tee-shirt or button to say .. some current ideas are rolling around, and i'll share those at some point!

awaiting my chance to protest ... just 15 minutes to go ... if you see me on the news later, can someone call my mom and tell her i tried not to get arrested?!?!

in less dramatic news, i'm looking for new banners. trying to realize a goal of having tons saved to my computer so i can pick and choose from them and change my site up as i please. right now i've got three ... i want to own 50!!! so if you've got talent in that way (cuz i sure don't) let me know ... i'll take any that people throw at me, and all will get used.

state game

alright, i couldn't resist. i want to see how well travelled i am.

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana /Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

mullets and flannel

i spent the weekend at the No Limits conference, held this year out at Kearney ... ah, middle america. and we thought we had it bad in omaha!!! anyhow. the conference is a state-wide women's studies thing, although there were some kick ass cats from south dakota (i know, it didn't make sense to me, either) there, chillin' and helpin' us cause a ruckus.

i immediately established myself as a black sheep, along with several girls in our group from omaha. we didn't simply read the papers we presented (opting instead to talk about things like we were experts), ate food we hadn't paid for, and slept through a few key-note speakers. not fitting in, whether on purpose or just cuz we were different, we rocked the weekend, altering viewpoints everywhere we went.

it's fun to be surrounded by feminists for three days. there really were all types there ... a group of us went out to a bar saturday night, and caused drama by dancing all up on one another while the boys kept buying us drinks.

disclaimer ... we did not do any of this girl on girl in order to get drinks or attention. we did it cuz the majority of the group of women we went out with self-identify as bi or lesbian, and so that's who we're gonna dance with, ya know. the drinks we got bought for us were not those we attempted to get ... guys are just nice sometimes (one i even told repeatedly wasn't gonna get ass, and he just smiled and gave me the drink).

anyhow ... good times, no hookups, hot women, and a lot of new ideas running through my head. ways to take over the midwest, to get people connected, and one awesome tee-shirt slogan ...

"no one knows i'm a drag queen" ... thanks jen, i'm totally stealing that!!!

tonite is another "L word" marathon for me, and a little homework to do ... hopefully in the next few weeks i'll get to chat w/ some of the chicas we met this weekend and continue to plot our takeover!!!

i think it's funny ... now that i'm in my last semester of school, about to graduate and move into the next "phrase" of my life, i'm getting involved. and now i don't want to leave. am contemplating taking graduate classes here for a bit, so that i can stick around and stay active.

some of us are getting involved in a battle to save the jobs of two female professors. they are being denied tenure, but there is no reason for it. and so we join together, pretend like we're in the sixties .. sit ins, flyers everywhere, black arm bands if we need to!!! i promise not to get arrested.

in other, "i don't want to graduate" news ... i may end up becoming the research assistant to at least one of the professors in my department. something i've longed to do, and something i may be able to get paid to do! the department is allowed to have two student workers, only there's not a lot of people who want to have to "superviese" them ... but i'm a big kid, and need no supervision ... that they know of. the menial tasks will be fun for me, as i can end up being a library assistant ... i'm at home amongst the books and paper.

and lets not forget that the selfish side of me will use it on a grad school resume.

and so life is moving along. i'm finally reading what i need to, writing what i want to, and getting homework done by the time it's due. good steps. now, all i need is black pants, a few more shirts, a new tattoo and my lip pierced, and i will be perfect!

this is my life ...

... dicking my way through a quiz in a class on a book i didn't read, because i'd read it five or six years ago, only to find out i'd gotten at least a "b" on it.

... being the only person in america to not only hate the music of bright eyes, but to think connor oberst is a dick. if he'd like to prove me wrong, he and all of his indie rock buddies can buy me one of the beers they owe me, and we can chat. i'm up for that.

... after two months of last-minute writing attempts to get my shit done and out the door with only seconds to spare, i'm beginning the journey towards completing things ahead of time. that said, i've got one of my articles for next month's (yes, april's) subter.com issue done ... rough draft ... and am in process of getting stuff for the second.

.... does this former admission apply to my school work??? HELL NO!!!

... the dog is officially co-dependent, the cats are confused and angry cuz i moved their litter, and we're going to smuggle a rat out of the psych lab at the end of the semester, because we CLEARLY need another pet!

... i am utterly exhausted, but excited about my life and where it seems to be headed. this is the first time i have been able to say this without apology or doubt in several years.

... had an amazing and unexpected conversation last night, at a gentlemen's club, about religion, science, and the places they meet and intersect. with a meterologist. and i'm a religious studies major. and we agreed ... and he was drunk. but it was wonderful. thanks man!!!

... i cut all my nails off. not because they were tempting me to bite them, but because i need them to all be short, as i don't care to spend the time anymore with the OPI goddesses that invented "nail envy." the everyday process of it all makes me tired, and i want to be able to type as fast as i used to w/o any mistakes ... nails got in the way of that.

... poverty's a bitch. it makes you debate things you never thought you would, like whether or not you really need all the books you currently own, and how much they'd be worth to a second-hand store. and then you wake up and realize you don't need food that bad. YES, I AM A JUNKIE. SUE ME.

and that's all she wrote. i must go take an essay test for old testament ... and then take a nap and pretend i give a shit about the mathmatical side of astronomy, so i can graduate.

music for a monday

so, today i'm exploring anna nalick and bright eyes. yeah, subter brad, you read it right. as much as i may dislike connor oberst, i'll attempt to enjoy their music, at least to figure out why the hell everyone else likes them so much.

hopefully i will enjoy both, and be able to give favorable reviews ... all the while accomplishing more today than i ever thought possible. do ya think it'll happen???

update: so sorry subterbrad, but i must officially say that i do not like "bright eyes" ... there are one or two songs out of the 30 or 40 i downloaded that i will keep on my computer, as they don't totally suck, but when i get home from school i am deleting connor oberst out of my life. i can't handle all that whining!!

on the other hand, miss malissa ... i LOVE LOVE LOVE anna nalick!!! especially the song "breathe" (i think that's the title) ... she rocks girl ... as soon as i have money i may buy her cds!! (unless you love me enough to burn it and send it to me????)

tomorrow begins a new round of mp3 listening.

well, the blue nail polish is already starting to chip, which is fine because it did the trick. i've downloaded almost everything i can from the music lists that were sent to me, and will be listening to it all over the course of the next few days and weeks between when i'm doing homework and on my mp3 player at school. i'm attempting to get done with this blasted o.t. essay test, and i hate the last question. it's actually the second question, i just put it off for last cuz it involves the most amount of research. i have to get it done, however, because i've got other homework to do.

and there's the boring list. of things i'm doing, things i've done, and things i've still got to do. one thing is missing, and that's the most recent hair transformation. i think from now on when i change my hair, which is pretty often, i'm gonna post the pic of a famous person who's got either the similar color or style to mine, instead of attempting to take one of myself. cuz i don't have my digi cam anymore, and it's apparently expensive to transfer pics from my phone to my e-mail. so, to the left you have now seen the picture of the new hair cut, a la Katherine Moennig of "the L word". it's kinda like that ... only not the same color, not spiked out as much (cuz i'm not that daring) and i'm not that hot.