The Spirit Of Things

love you get over in two months.

big love two years.

but great love ... great love changes your life.

(this quote comes courtesy of "win a date with tad hamilton")

today has been a day of shifting focus. chalk it up to the blue nails if you must (and i did), but my attitude is different. finally sat down and got some of my homework pounded out ... still more to do, but it felt so good to get stuff done. got part of the house cleaned ... i forget sometimes that it's really not as hard as it looks, and it feels so good when it's all said and done.

and i've been writing again. for me. not for school, for this site, for other sites, for anyone else. just for me. catharsis ... another thing i forget about myself. i need that process, that space that's just for me to get it all out, tear it all to bits and put it back together in a way that makes sense.

and it does. it all makes sense now. the craziness of the last few days, the last few months. i can see where it's headed. i can begin to see why it had to happen this way. not why it had to happen, but why it did happen this way. what i did, what i didn't do, what i let slide, what i didn't account for. learning to let my head and my heart move together instead of to separate beats. it's much easier that way. much healthier.

and so i start my day at the end of another, look forward to the quiet of an almost empty house, books and papers to be taken care of, calls to make, no more ignoring what needs to get done. loving the process of getting my life to where i want it, to where i always knew it could be.

it helps to be able to dance a little bit. in three inch heels. while in comfortable jeans. (with blue nails ... )

okay people, i have officially exhausted malissa's list of music on her site, and am still in downloading mode ... attempting to tackle the mountain of homework i have seems easier w/ great new tunes.

so you all must sent me band/group/artist names. i guess you could send me song names, too, but that's always a hassle for me. i want quick and easy. i want to be able to type it into bearshare and forget about it until it's in my music library.

and ... go!

velvet golmine rocks!

because i've decided to stay home from school today, as i'm a little hungover from my four glass wine binge last night at katie's ... here are some "velvet goldmine" quotes. i would love to be deeper, but today i reserve that for my journal, singing in the shower, and phone calls. so sorry dear internet. know, however, these quotes are the two that come in the middle of the movie that make me stop what i'm doing and take notice. every. time. i watch. this. movie.

"the world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. the curves of your lips re-write history."

"photographers snip-snap; take your time she's only burning; this kind of experience; is necessary for my learning; if you'll be my flotsam; i could be half the man i used to; they said you are hot stuff; and that's what baby's been reduced to"

and now, time for a quote ....

tits are tangible. boobies are just the idea.

in no particular order

* my attempts to get all my homework and writing done while layed up on the couch have proved somewhat futile. as i am feeling much better today, i hope i can get some of it taken care of.

* tonite is the beginning of season two of The "L" Word. i am so freakin' excited i feel like i could wet myself with joy!!! guess where i'll be at 9pm???!!!

* desperate times call for desperate measures. due to the lack of money in my life, i've gone and applied for a part time job at a coffee shop. i used to love working at one, several years ago, so i know it'll be fun to be back in the business. it just makes me mad that i have been spinning my wheels for the last few months, all to have to go back into the "real world" to earn money.

* subter.com is going to take over the world!!! there have been rave reviews, people in power are starting to notice us, and the site is getting bigger and bigger! scary and exciting all at the same time!!!

* spent time at katie's house last night, meeting their fabulous  friends adam and tina. it was a ton of fun, as we played both bullshit and attack uno. good times had by all. one suggestion to those attempting to re-create the bliss of our night: DON'T HAVE HUMMUS!!! that stuff makes the worst smells when it's coming back out of the body ... we had to pause the game several times to fumigate!!!

it may be official ...

the car may just be totally dead. we got the belt put on finally, after several trips to the auto parts store, several snowfalls, and one escape-artist bolt. but now it sounds like the engine is blown ... makes a noise like it's gonna explode, then the engine speeds up really fast, and then it starts burning oil like it's going out of fashion.

to put a new engine into a ford probe (circe 1993) would be an exercise in insanity, and so i may just have to say goodbye to my little baby after all. i'm sad, but glad the nightmare is almost over.

of course, it's not like i've got the money to get a new car! so we must continue to carpool for another few months, until i kick ass at mary kay enough to get my very own pink car given to me. no, not the cadilac. i'm not that cool yet. but a car, paid for totally, none the less. which is never a bad thing!

in other news, feeling sick still, and anticipating the weather going from fabulous (right now) to shitty as hell (like in colorado right now) within the next day or two. i know it's gonna happen, cuz there's no way i'm lucky enough to have winter done with already! i hope, i dream.

o.t. today ...

so, today in class we discussed some of the stories in genesis that exist in the "time before time" ... the stories about those before abraham. so much i never knew, and it all brings me so much hope!

specifically, we were discussing paradox. how so many of these stories have a level of paradox to them, whether small or large. this is mostly because we can't go back far enough to archeologically know how much of this "really happened" or not. which for some christians is a big deal. for others, "the bible is the inspired word of god" and that's it.

as i don't know where i fall on that spectrum, i found what i learned today very comforting. most rabbinic texts just let the problems be problems without trying to fix them. they chalk it up to the beauty of their tradition, without trying to explain it away. they let god be god, humans be humans, and all the messy stuff that exists in between just be what it is.

for example ... noah's ark. there's two different stories going on there. you can tell by the different numbers of animals said to have been brought on the ark w/ noah. the rabbinic texts just let it be ... they say that the two stories were included for a reason. that there was importance to it, and even if we don't know anymore what it is, there is no need to edit out the differences. because they are part of the story.

i love that!!!

it makes it so much easier for me to read the bible. i get hung up on the problems. it doesn't make me not believe, it just makes it hard to get through some days. and now ... now i can love it for what it is, let god speak to me without trying to solve all the issues!

rock on dr. owens, for letting my brain wrap around that today!!!

wow. there are quite a few people who don't seem to like me right now. that's their right. i just would like to point out that i'm a religious studies major, and so have access to some of the best scholarship available on these subjects. and most of my professors are openly christian, yet they are the ones teaching this stuff. i can provide lengthy bibliographies to those interested in where i'm getting my facts. the things i'm stating are not widely disputed in the academic world ... the people who have spent their lives studying these very things. the general public, fed off pop culture and whatever the media deems important for the moment, may see things differently, but it seems safe to say that the general public may not always know what it's talking about.

examples ... we all believed there were weapons of mass destruction. people for centuries and centuries believed the world was flat, or that blacks weren't fully human.

i stand by what i say. lack of tolerance for those that are different will do nothing but destroy the planet we live on. and whether we'd like to believe it or not, the majority of people practicing any religion ... ANY RELIGION ... are not extremists or fundamentalists. they are everyday people, most living in abject poverty, just trying to get through their lives. the select few that think they can control all around them are not the norm. in any religion. including christianity. BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE EXIST THERE, TOO. CHRISTIANS ARE NOT INNOCENT.

that is something i have had to learn to accept about my faith over the last few years. we are not innocent. we have shed too much blood that was not ours to shed. and our god told us to. it's all over the old testament. verses from the new testament were used to do it throughout these last two centuries. it is still happening as people today believe that it's our "christian right" to destroy those who don't agree with our beliefs.

**** update (only for clarification, not changing my opinion here) ... these people christians have killed have not just been pagans. they were jews and muslims as well. let no one forget that hitler was a christian. cuz he was. and he, and his soldiers (also christians) killed millions and millions of jews.

that is not our right. no one has that right. not the christians, not the jews, and not the muslims. but muslims are not the only ones who have a few, radical fundamentalists trying to end tolarence ... it would be good to remember that.

so, i went off on someone's website today, and i feel like i didn't apologize correctly. i in no way meant to attack her. she has a very valid view point, one that i almost completely agree with. i went off due to a comment posted to her site by the author of the site "clarity and resolve" ... i have since gone to this man's site, and i am more saddened than i am angry. he seems to be someone who lives in israel, thus affected greatly by the palistinean/israeli conflict.

however, this does not justify, to me, the views he holds. they seem no different than those of Islamic fundamentalists or Fred Phelps (don't click that link unprepared ...)

maybe i'm too close-minded. maybe i'm not as comfortable as i thought i was with allowing others to hold their own opinions. but this newest wave of anti-Islamic behavior and attitudes held by so much of the world causes my stomach to turn. for centuries, Muslims across the known world were the only people who were religiously tolerant. Christians at the time were killing those in their path as they swept across Europe (read, muslims and jews included). then they carried out the Crusades (killing more muslims and jews). then they killed untold millions as they settled the Americas. all the while Muslim areas were allowing Christians and Jews to live in peace and freedom with them.

things are different now. the media only shows pictures of fundamentalists ... of any religion. this makes sense, as this is the best type of news stories to find. the "crazy" people, the ones with the "towels on their heads" or waving the bible like a flag. holding signs and bombing clinics.

the reality of our world is, these people are the minority. most people of any faith are nowhere near this "devoted" ... they spend their days praying, laughing, singing, crying, going to work, sleeping, and tons of other things.  they talk to their friends and make love to their spouses. whether they are Christians, Jews, Muslims, or any number of other religions that exist across this great and diverse world, their main concern is not the death and destruction of all who are unlike them.

i hope that someday more people will see this. i'm not optimistic, however. there are too many stories, too many pictures of fundamentalists of every religion for this to happen. there are too many countries at war with other countries, children being raised to hate rather than love. but maybe someday ...